Travis Talks to The NCAA (Jesus--the sequel)

For the prequel to this saga, click here

*On a late Winter's night, Travis Denney gets on his knees for his nightly prayers before finishing off his scotch on the rocks*

Are you there Jesus?  It's me Travis.  It's been four years since we met at the headquarters of the NCAA and while I believe we had a great conversation, you haven't really been around lately.  I realize I asked for quite the miracle last time and I completely understand that you were unable to grant the request.  I just hope I didn't offend you to the point that you are afraid to come around.  In my defense, I didn't realize your connection to the NCAA.  It should have been obvious but it wasn't.  Hopefully, along with all my other sins, you will forgive and forget (unlike Artie who certainly can't seem to forget anything).

Anyway, I am in the process of preparing to fill out my brackets for this year's March Madness tournament and I have a few questions--maybe you could help me?  I mean, I'm being extra careful to not put myself into any kind of "miracle saving" situation this year so I think these are pretty easy and probably would only take about five seconds of your time (especially if is true that one second of your time is equal to a hundred years on Earth--of course, if that was true, the tournament would be over before even a second so you would be no help at all).

*A huge plume of smoke fills Travis' room and as it clears, a lone figure appears with his back to Travis*

"Damn it, Tebow, can't you leave me alone for five minutes?"

The figure turned around.  He was holding a blackberry.

"Oops...sorry Travis.  Stupid crackberry.  I still haven't gotten acclimated to this blasted device yet.  The message came across with just a "T" so I assumed it was Tim Tebow.  I mean, you give a guy a couple miracles and next thing you know, he wants a Super Bowl.  Doesn't he realize Elway had to wait a whole career?"

"Jesus?"

"Yes, Travis?"

"I know you got a lot to do so can we cut to the chase?"

"Ummm sure.  Hopefully this isn't about you sending your golf fantasy line-up to that NCAA pool last year. You know I can't grant "turn back time" requests.

"That's not what I'm looking for this time. Just need a little insight into who you are going to move forward in the tournament"

"Are you kidding?"

"I'm not asking for the whole bracket or even the Final Four, just give me a few upsets."

"Look Travis, I'm about to use my own name in vain. I have so many bigger priorities. Seriously...have you seen any of the Republican primaries?"

"Jesus, after our last conversation, I thought we were friends"

"No Travis were are not.  I have no friends.  Facebook taught me that lesson.  I got in it with best intentions but finally realized I just couldn't "friend" everybody.  So I had to make a decision and if I couldn't be friends with everyone, I decided to be friends with no one.  Besides, the last thing on Earth I need is for people crying foul on Selection Sunday because I am supposedly friends with too many people associated with an undeserving major that received the last bid. I already get enough crap in heaven from the saints about my relationship with Tebow. And don't get me started about the Jesuit mid-majors. You'd think I was commissioner of the Big East!"

"Jesus?"

"What is it?"

"Can you leave now? I think I would rather deal with my problems on my own."

"Ok...but on one condition."

"What's that?"

"Can you please answer Tebow's next call for me? I can't take it any more."

"Sorry, Jesus. There are certain miracles that should only be performed by you"

Peace,
Reg