Chewy watched as Raap pulled the family car pulled away from the house. He was in his typical pose, standing on two legs while leaning against the window as Yzzi and Etan waved furious good-byes to him.
Once the car was out of sight, every muscle in his body was relaxed. "I love it when these suckers leave me alone in the house for the day," he said to himself. "After spending the week avoiding Mr. Missouri, I need a break."
He triumphantly marched upstairs and decided he would go through things in the office today. "Between the memorabilia, baseball cards and the confidential documents, this could be the greatest day ever" he said.
Just as he walked through the office doorway, however, he noticed the laptop sitting on the desk...pretty much at the same time that the door slammed shut behind him.
"With the great weather forecast, I decided today would be a good day to work from home."
The voice was unmistakable and Chewy realized it might be judgment day. For someone.
"Give it up would you? You can't blame me for losing to Raap again. I put you on the path...but I never told you to pick Missouri."
"But you implied you had this sure-fire method to win this time. You said it would work."
"Well, technically, it did. You were not mathematically eliminated until the last Elite Eight game was over. Last year, you were done before that round even started."
"Now is probably not a good time to be a smart aleck."
"Why? The only way you could possibly be mad at me is if you could prove somehow that I emptied your 401k account and paid off the Missouri players."
"Well, you figured out how to use our cellphones. Is it really that much of a stretch?"
"Think about it. Why would I do that to my meal ticket just for one game? How would I be able to eat if you were broke?"
"You could start with that dog dish in the living room."
"I would but I think the "born on" date of the dog food is some time in 2009. I suppose you are going to blame me for that too but remember...I can't reach the table so someone HAS to be enabling me."
I may actually resemble that remark.
"But you took advantage of the situation and I obviously did not get an equal trade of goods and services here. I didn't beat her. You have to make good on this somehow."
"No, I do not. I told you I would help you but I never guaranteed results. With your picking, I would have had to been crazy to do that."
"Again, not a good time to be taking shots at me."
Chewy leaned in the closer to my face.
"Why? Seriously, what are YOU going to do about it? I run this house. You and Raap do what I want, when I want and all I have to do us make sure your obnoxious kids don't claw my eyeballs out. You can't sell me out because she will never believe that I can talk. I will never tip my hand to her so I don't have to worry about her doing anything. I have the best set-up in the world right here and nothing is going to change."
He had me. I knew it. There was nothing else I could do.
"And while I'm on the subject, I think it's time for someone to let me outside. I want to enjoy this 'great weather forecast' you alluded to earlier."
What was I supposed to do? He's a dog. I am, for lack of a better word, cazy. Or crazier than I was before I fell into his little game out of desperation to beat Raap. I was reaping what I sowed and he had the last laugh. I followed him downstairs and reached down to hook his chain. Of course, Chewy continued gloating.
"You really should think harder next time before you try to match wits me. You can't win. I hold the cards."
I was careful not to open the curtain but to only open the door so he could go outside. At the point he stepped outside, I'm not sure what was worse for him--what he found when he stepped outside or how quickly I shut the door behind him. At that point, I opened the curtain. It was raining so hard, I actually got a little wet through the screen door.
"I said it was a great weather forecast for me to work from home. I didn't say it would be great weather. You should probably figure out how to use your skills to check the weather every so often. You know, I'm getting kind of tired. Maybe I'll take a nap."
As I shut the door and closed the curtain, I thought about what Chewy said. He was right. He does have the perfect life. And I am powerless to do anything about it.
But I know I'm going to enjoy the next couple hours. And there's always next year.
Peace,
Reg
Once the car was out of sight, every muscle in his body was relaxed. "I love it when these suckers leave me alone in the house for the day," he said to himself. "After spending the week avoiding Mr. Missouri, I need a break."
He triumphantly marched upstairs and decided he would go through things in the office today. "Between the memorabilia, baseball cards and the confidential documents, this could be the greatest day ever" he said.
Just as he walked through the office doorway, however, he noticed the laptop sitting on the desk...pretty much at the same time that the door slammed shut behind him.
"With the great weather forecast, I decided today would be a good day to work from home."
The voice was unmistakable and Chewy realized it might be judgment day. For someone.
"Give it up would you? You can't blame me for losing to Raap again. I put you on the path...but I never told you to pick Missouri."
"But you implied you had this sure-fire method to win this time. You said it would work."
"Well, technically, it did. You were not mathematically eliminated until the last Elite Eight game was over. Last year, you were done before that round even started."
"Now is probably not a good time to be a smart aleck."
"Why? The only way you could possibly be mad at me is if you could prove somehow that I emptied your 401k account and paid off the Missouri players."
"Well, you figured out how to use our cellphones. Is it really that much of a stretch?"
"Think about it. Why would I do that to my meal ticket just for one game? How would I be able to eat if you were broke?"
"You could start with that dog dish in the living room."
"I would but I think the "born on" date of the dog food is some time in 2009. I suppose you are going to blame me for that too but remember...I can't reach the table so someone HAS to be enabling me."
I may actually resemble that remark.
"But you took advantage of the situation and I obviously did not get an equal trade of goods and services here. I didn't beat her. You have to make good on this somehow."
"No, I do not. I told you I would help you but I never guaranteed results. With your picking, I would have had to been crazy to do that."
"Again, not a good time to be taking shots at me."
Chewy leaned in the closer to my face.
"Why? Seriously, what are YOU going to do about it? I run this house. You and Raap do what I want, when I want and all I have to do us make sure your obnoxious kids don't claw my eyeballs out. You can't sell me out because she will never believe that I can talk. I will never tip my hand to her so I don't have to worry about her doing anything. I have the best set-up in the world right here and nothing is going to change."
He had me. I knew it. There was nothing else I could do.
"And while I'm on the subject, I think it's time for someone to let me outside. I want to enjoy this 'great weather forecast' you alluded to earlier."
What was I supposed to do? He's a dog. I am, for lack of a better word, cazy. Or crazier than I was before I fell into his little game out of desperation to beat Raap. I was reaping what I sowed and he had the last laugh. I followed him downstairs and reached down to hook his chain. Of course, Chewy continued gloating.
"You really should think harder next time before you try to match wits me. You can't win. I hold the cards."
I was careful not to open the curtain but to only open the door so he could go outside. At the point he stepped outside, I'm not sure what was worse for him--what he found when he stepped outside or how quickly I shut the door behind him. At that point, I opened the curtain. It was raining so hard, I actually got a little wet through the screen door.
"I said it was a great weather forecast for me to work from home. I didn't say it would be great weather. You should probably figure out how to use your skills to check the weather every so often. You know, I'm getting kind of tired. Maybe I'll take a nap."
As I shut the door and closed the curtain, I thought about what Chewy said. He was right. He does have the perfect life. And I am powerless to do anything about it.
But I know I'm going to enjoy the next couple hours. And there's always next year.
Peace,
Reg
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