The Conspiracy, Part 8: Persistence

"Stop staring at me!"

The voice was unmistakable--it was the panic that sounded out of place.

"Tell me", I whispered--admittedly, it was kind of creepy.

"No!"

I persisted, the voice, a little louder.  "Tell me now!"

"No, LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I had never seen or heard Chewy like this.  This was too good to pass up.

"Tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell..."

"STOP IT!"  Then as if feigning ignorance..."Tell you what?"

"Tell me what you are not telling me or I'm going to get really obnoxious."

"I'm not sure that is possible..."

Challenge accepted.  I went into full five-year old mode, repeating "I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you..." over and over and over again.

This picture was priceless.  Have you ever seen a dog in full "sit mode" and staring into space, trying to ignore the 48-year old man frantically waving his hands around him as if to create utter chaos--both knowing that each passing second was one second closer to a canine explosion?

Besides, he deserved it.

I knew Chewy was keeping some secret from me.  And I knew it had something to do with why I had been so bored lately.  He's done this before but usually I can rely on the kids to spill the beans or for my wife to say the wrong thing at the right time.  This was different.  Everyone else had clammed up but this was the first time I really saw him crack under the pressure.  It really felt like I was inches from finding out the truth.

Without breaking his far off stare, Chewy spoke, "Do you realize how ridiculous you look right now?"

"Don't care.  Want to know."

"Acting like your son is not going to get you any close to the truth."  Chewy then checked himself as if he had already admitted knowing something "If there is a truth to know".

I stopped.  "Oh great--here comes 'Chewy the Riddler'".  I felt like I was losing my competitive edge.

"What makes you so sure there is a truth to know?"

I was ready for this one.  "Let's see--you, the wife and the kids are constantly huddling without me looking at paper and stop as soon as I approach.  I have already finished three books this month when I couldn't finish three books all year last year.  I found muddy paw prints on my computer and you know you are forbidden from using it."

"I was looking at stock picks"--unfortunately, this was probably partially true.  I'm still not sure where that money comes from.

"Something is off in this house right now and I know it pertains to me because I feel off.  And you have never looked guiltier.  Spill it now or I'll resort to drastic measures."

"You wouldn't dare."

I cleared my throat.  "WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?  WHO! WHO! WHO!  WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? WHO! WHO! WHO!"  In unison with the song was the most heinous dance moves you can imagine.  It looked hideous in the nearby mirror, sounded hideous to the naked ear and as a result of the two furry paws I saw covering Chewy's ears, I knew the vote was unanimous.

And I was having the time of my life.  I almost hoped he wouldn't tell me.

But out of the corner of my eye, I noticed my open computer with an Excel spreadsheet showing onscreen.  Curiosity caused me to pause the song and dance and move towards the computer.  The sheet looked like standings of some kind.  To the right of the standings were various scenarios but the first one is what caught my eye.  "Gonzaga over N. Carolina" read the header.  Right below that was a line that said "1 (T).  Artie Paar  84".  I was too mesmerized to notice the needle-like sensation in my neck.  As I started to get groggy, I realized what happened.

When I turned around, I couldn't believe my eyes.  "You have got to be kidd..." was the last thing I said as I lost consciousness and slumped to the floor.

TO BE CONTINUED