Raap's Winning Formula

*Because of the fact that I am once again down to needing a tiebreaker in the championship game to break the stranglehold that my Assistant Tournament Director, Raap Elleinad, seems to have on me when it comes to the March Madness pool, I am allowing her a guest blogger spot so she can walk those who care through her winning formula for picking March Madness games.  Consider it a gift of my pain--from me to you, with love
Reg*

When Artie first asked me to do this guest blog spot, I wasn't sure what a blog was, much less how to contribute to one.  Seriously, how do I convey how easy it is to beat him in the March Madness pool every year?  And don't bring up his tiebreaker win in 2008--it was a fluke.  Seriously, do you think if I thought he had a chance, I would have only guessed 85 points for the tiebreaker score?  To me, it was like throwing the first two darts away when all you need is a bullseye to win.

To prep for this guest spot, I decided to take notes during the day I made my picks this year.  Maybe as you read through these, you'll realize exactly how easy it really is to beat him and those of you who suffered through his near-perfect region (Kansas State?  HA!  Even Chewy knew Butler would win that region) this year can start planning for next year.  But please note--past results are not indicative of future performance.  What works for me, may not necessarily even be possible for you.  Consider this more of a parable.

Tuesday, March 16--(12:30am)  Nate up again.  Artie slept through it--had to smack him three times to wake him up.  He keeps this up, he won't make his plane to Vegas tomorrow.

(2:05am)--Nate up yet again.  Figures it would be five minutes into my "coverage" block of time.  Mr. Vegas still snoring--didn't even get up to help me with the bottle.

(6:30am)--If Artie hits snooze one more time on that alarm clock, I may throw the thing through the bedroom window.

(7:20am)--Bottle, check.  Nate, check.  Disney Channel for Izzy, check.  Coke for me, check.  Computer open to Farmville on Facebook--it's going to be a good day.

(7:45am)--On his way out, Artie reminds me about the picks...again.  I almost won the whole thing last year and he's telling me what to do?  Brags yet again about his Vegas trip on the way out.

(9am)--Finished Izzy's picks during a rainstorm on Farmville.  Concocted all #2 seeds scenario to make it easier to get it done with the least amount of thought.  Good thing--I don't even recognize half of these schools.  Speaking of which, why do they call it Northern Iowa?  I thought it was in Iowa City?

(10am)--Chewy barking at rabbit, Nate screaming, Izzy took her clothes off...again.  Farmville on hold.

(Noon)--Paging through shows on television.  Still have Project Runway episode to watch on the DVR.  Wait, is that basketball on one of the channels?  Oops...I guess it's just highlights on ESPN.  Not that I care all that much.  But it reminds me of the time I was watching the Twins game when Artie got home from work.  When he asked me if I had seen the game, I told him it was a stupid question because it was on right now.  That's when he informed me it was an afternoon game and I was watching a repeat on Fox Sports North.  Guess I missed the word "REPLAY" in the upper left corner of the screen.

(1pm)--It's a miracle both kids are asleep.  Now if I could just put the dog to sleep too.  Easy everyone, I'm just kidding.  Need to clean the house before I get started on my picks.  I've got plenty of time--play-in game doesn't start until 6:30pm (I think).

(1:05pm)--Izzy just walked out of her room.  Cancel that miracle.

(1:30pm)--Mr. Vegas sends me his picks.  Way too many #1 seeds.  Obviously doesn't know what he's doing.

(2:30pm)--More Farmville.  I have now traded two cows for magic beans.  Maybe I'll give them to Mr. Vegas so he can grow a beanstalk--hey, it's as plausible as his chances to beat me in the pool.   And I haven't even started my picks yet.

(3:30pm)--Nate starts to projectile vomit.  And I just cleaned the floor.

(4:30pm)--Did Artie say Iowa St.  was in the tournament this year?  They might make a good Final Four pick.

(4:31pm)--Btw, I'm so glad he's going to Vegas this year.  Now I don't have to worry about watching any of the games in the first two rounds.  Now if I could just get him out of the house the next weekend.  And the championship game is on my birthday--if he's still in it at that point, he wouldn't dare make me watch the game on my birthday.  Sometimes it's just really good to be the female in the relationship.

(4:32pm)--I wonder what his stupid excuse will be this year when I win considering the last two times I beat him, I was pregnant and he rode that whole "two-head" excuse.  And I'm considered the crazy one.  I'm not the one that makes the dog talk in the blog.

(4:33pm)--I have to stop talking to myself.  I've been around these kids waaayyyyy too long.

(5:30pm)--Guess I should start making my picks.  I'll start with the champ and work my way backwards.

(5:31pm)--New Mexico, national champion.  Has a good ring to it.  Maybe I should ask Artie first--wow, I almost got through that without laughing.

(5:32pm)--Well, that was easy.  Got it done with Nate in one arm, Izzy on the other, and I still was able to follow everything on America's Next Top Model.  I wonder if I'll ever push him to the point of doing something drastic.  Guess I better start monitoring the credit card statement to make sure he doesn't call one of those 1-800-BET-NCAA numbers.

That's about it.  Nothing real scientific.  No real changes in the approach from year to year.  Before the kids, you could substitute the first few early AM entries with "Artie snoring...again" and a couple of the later ones with "Practicing on Guitar Hero while Artie is at work...he still can't figure out how I can routinely kick his butt."  Other than that, the approach is always the same.  Don't think.  Pick quickly.  Don't second guess.  Don't watch the games.  Don't score your own board.  Just sit back, relax and wait for the meltdown.

It always comes.

Until next time...
Raap