Winter Is Coming—Part 2: An Introduction?

I had finally made my way back up to the table, head still throbbing from the fall.  The white fluff ball was looking at me with little or no concern.

“Allow me to introduce myself—they call me “Snowball””

I was still in shock—but I wasn’t stupid.

“I know what THEY call you because I would be a member of the THEY group”

He blinked behind the horn-rimmed glasses, unmoved by my sarcasm.

“It is proper protocol to introduce oneself if meeting someone for the first time”

Proper protocol?  This is worse than I thought—he’s the canine equivalent of Miss Manners.

“But we have already met—I drove the car that brought you home the day after Christmas.  On non-treadmill days, I’m the one that feeds you and lets you out in the early morning.  I’m the one that you bite when you’re bored”

He blinked again…still fixing his gaze straight at me as if he had not heard a word.

I continued, almost whiney-like, “I still have a scar on my thumb from the last attack”.

“Excuse me sir, I apologize for any marks I may have left but you do know I was just acting the part”

My patience was thin.  Then again, when is my patience not thin.  But this dog’s indifference to what was taking place was quickly getting on my nerves.

“And excuse me if I don’t give you an Oscar—those are reserved for fake blood that looks real.  Not real blood that is the result of faking.  If you’re a dog, the latter gets you a quick trip to the vet.”

Snowball was unfazed.  “But I have already had all of my required shots”.

“Those aren’t the shots to which I was referring”

“I’m not sure that I…” I stared a hole right through him, “oh, you don’t mean?  Oh, you do mean that!”  For the first time, he looked a little taken aback—or at least as aback as a white Havanese Golden mini-Doodle can look through horn-rimmed glasses.  “Why would you even contemplate such a heinous crime against me?  I have done nothing wrong.”

He had a point—being annoyed was not worth the vet bill for a permanent nap.

“Look, Nerdball…”

“It’s Snowball.  You are part of THEY, remember?”

“Whatever Snowflake.  Look, it has taken me awhile to get over the demise of my former companion.  Now you show up and, for some reason, wait until right now to reveal that you too can talk.  Get to the point or go find an innocent shoe to chew.”

“I’m here to provide assistance.  To you.”

This was going nowhere fast.  I got 99 problems but a nerd-dog isn’t one of them.

“For what?”

“You already know the answer to that sir.  You just have to open your mind to what I have to say.”

TO BE CONTINUED