Ten Ways to "Crutching"

I have taken the opportunity of this blog in the past to help you learn from my mistakes when it comes to either the pool or existing in the wonderful world that is Las Vegas.

Recent events have brought yet another lesson that I am painfully enduring.  It only stands to follow that as I sip this Hopslam on a beautiful (well, at least it's not snowing) Saturday night, I pass along some tips from the past three weeks.  If you have ever had the unfortunate displeasure of using crutches, you will know the vantage point from which these observations are born.

And you will know it sucks. 

1).  First and foremost--it is not your bad leg you need to worry about.  It's your good leg.  You will have the occasional slip where you will land on your bad leg.  It hurts.  It goes away.  Every time you get up, your good leg gets the stress.  It is accustomed to help.  It's not getting any.  I am actually worried about my good calf.  It has cramped every night for the past three.

The "Crutch" Part 3

"Hey 'Crutch'."
 

I had to be dreaming.  Someone was talking to one of my crutches.
 

"Don't ignore me, 'Crutch'."
 

Whoever it is was stupid enough to think a crutch could consciously ignore someone.  Or even talk, for that matter.  Now I was convinced I was hallucinating, this is Vegas after all.
 

"Dammit 'Crutch'...wake up!"
 

The constant snoring in the hotel room meant it was not my Dad...either that or he has just solidified his status as the world's greatest ventriloquist.
 

I looked at the clock...3am.  The torn calf meant earlier nights this year in Vegas so I had already been asleep for awhile.  So this voice was not the beer talking to me.

The "Crutch" Part 2

I scratched my head.

 

I leaned in.

 

Distraught, I leaned back.  I can't do it.  I just can't do it.

 

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed a crutch, I thought was secure against the table, start to slide.  And like dominoes, it forced the other crutch to the floor with a loud crash.  It only irritated me more.   I wasn't the only one.

 

"What the hell was that?" said my better half as she hurried into the room.  I would have said "ran" but know this about Raap.  She doesn't run.

The "Crutch"

*Click Click*

This was not easy.

*Click Click*
*Click Click*

My first time on crutches.

*Click Click*
*Click Click*

And my first time falling asleep on the couch on a Saturday night after a few beers--with crutches.

As I got to the stairs, I turned around and sat on the first step--preparing for my backward butt crawl up the stairs.  If you have ever had the pleasure of crutches, you know the most difficult part is moving upstairs.  Once you realize you don't have to hop up one step at a time, it doesn't necessarily become easier but it sure feels a lot more doable.

But then there was the feeling that I was being watched...