A Continuing Story...

This blog brought to you by Raap Elleinad. Raap Elleinad, for all the times you need to be humbled in two weeks or less. Guaranteed to work four out of every five years. Money back if you are not completely humiliated before the Final Four.

"Artie?"

The voice sounded like an annoying mosquito that wouldn't go away.

"Artie!"

I typed the results furiously into the computer, knowing I only had seconds to spare.

"ARTIE!!!!"

Raap stood in the doorway--here we go again.

"What are you doing now?"

I didn't even try to hide the papers this time. It wasn't worth it.

"Do you realize every time Chewy loses weight, a team with a dog mascot wins in the NCAA tournament?"

Raap was not interested.

"When are you going to give this up? It's just luck!"

I was growing tired of that word. "Unacceptable!" I said. "There has to be an answer!"

Raap was obviously upset.

"For the last time, narratively or verbally, my name is not Raap! And your daughter's name is Izzy, not Yzzi!"

Raap stood in the doorway glaring.

*silence*

Raap was not amused.

*silence"

Danielle's silence was deafening.

"Do you realize how much time you've spent on this? How many times do I have to explain this to you? I did not watch a minute of basketball this year and I almost won the whole pool--how can you explain that in any way other than luck?

I had heard this before.

"It's not luck. You're pregnant. There has to be something about the extra brain cells in your body"

"Yeah, that was really funny. You tell me you have a serious doctor's appointment and ask me to come along. Imagine my surprise when my OBGYN walks in. Imagine my horror when you asked him how you could get pregnant?"

"It was an honest question. I wanted to know if it was medically possible."

"Medically possible? Are you kidding? You wanted to know if it was viable option to win the March Madness pool!"

"There has to be a reason. Four out of five years? Either you're a cheater or there's a pattern you're following--I just have to figure it out"

"Now I'm cheating--you obviously like sleeping on the couch"

"I didn't say that. Don't you understand that the reason I'm doing all this research is because I don't think you are cheating?"

This caused Raap to pause.

*silence*

Uhhh...Danielle spoke.

"I do not understand what is so important about winning this pool that you spend hours upon hours developing and testing theories, even when it's not even basketball season. I thought this was supposed to be fun?"

"That ended when you beat me five years ago"

"But when does THIS all end? Charts comparing market fluctuations with Big East progression through the tournament. Excel spreadsheets logging Big Ten upsets against solar flares. Power Point presentations showing how ACC teams are more vulnerable when the Democrats have control of the House. Seriously, is there an end?"

"I know, I know. Maybe setting up the 1-800 hotline for anyone with NCAA pool tips was a little much."

"The $5,000 reward for a system proven to win wasn't a very good idea either. I'm still not sure how we would have paid that."

"I had that covered. It may have required Izzy to start school a little later than other kids her age, but it would have worked"

Danielle was not amused.

"Can you please cut back on some of this?"

"Yes, dear. But one favor?"

"Anything if you will stop."

"Can you not feed the dog tonight? I have UConn."

Peace,
Reg